Ah, summer. My most favorite season of the year – beach days, sunshine and sleeping in. And sunburns. Always sunburns.
And then I decided to plan a wedding one summer and get married the next. My leisurely time off of work soon turned into spreadsheets, frantic phone calls and early morning work outs.
On one particularly stressful afternoon, I turned on the TV during a self-mandated wedding time-out. Billy Madison, easily one of the most quotable movies of all time (or else my childhood), was on, and as Billy struggled to make it through Veronica Vaughn’s third grade class, I felt a kinship. He had to stay sane amidst the O’Doyle clan, devious Eric and the penguin, and I have to stay on top of seating charts and meal selections.
As I head into the last stretch of planning and plotting my big day, Billy’s memes are getting me through:
When Dad announces what your wedding budget will be:
DIY? Please. Caviar taste on a pauper’s budget.
When you find out your date is open at your top-choice venue.
The stars align. I’m serious people.
When vendors try and upsell you their confetti machine / ice sculpture of your head / custom cocktails / something else outrageous, and you’re about ready to plug your ears:
Survival of the fittest in wedding land is all about the bottom line, and mine is Nah NO.
When you get too hangry because your wedding diet sucks all of the fun out of lunchtime.
Working with small kids and their bounty of delicious snacks is a terrible way to stick to your diet. It’s cruel.
When your wedding “beauty routine” has you second guessing your personal hygiene (and why you should be coloring your grays, getting hydration treatments and going to the gym twice a day):
I hate you knot.com (and myself).
When you find a way to save money and/or time:
Shoulda cut down that guest list.
When you get to the “I just don’t care about this anymore” phase:
My thoughts on cake, programs, transportation and all of those details. OVER them.
When you frantically need answers from vendors and no one is answering your calls or emails:
Time zone, people.
When you’re trying to track down people who haven’t RSVP’d.
There shall be payback when it’s your turn by way of missing the deadline. Or maybe with your table assignment.
When it’s time for the Bachelorette Party. Bring on the margaritas, y’all:
I know this is from the Wedding Singer, but Steve Buscemi was in Billy Madison, and it was this or Nudie Magazine Day.
When you leave it up to other people to buy your trosseau:
I’m sorry, future husband.
When the first meal after taking off your wedding dress is something so terrible for you:
Ok, I cheated again, but I also cheated on my wedding diet, so who cares?
This is, of course, all in jest. I’m crazy excited for Saturday and have been trying to take everything in stride. My vendors have been really helpful, my mom has done a bang-up job in my absence, and my Type A personality has disappeared (well, except when it comes to creating schedules!).
Onto married life!